Apocalypse branding: Survival of the Fittest

Who says you can’t have a sense of humour when facing the end of the world?

We may not be experts in surviving an apocalypse (zombie or otherwise), but as professionals in the realm of marketing and branding, we can certainly envision how our favourite brands would adapt in a post-apocalyptic scenario.

So buckle up, and welcome to a wild and wholly hypothetical journey through apocalypse branding.

Amazon – Prime Delivery: Air-Drop Edition

With drone technology advancing exponentially, Amazon wouldn’t miss a beat in a post-apocalyptic world. The retail giant would shift to the ‘Amazon Prime Air-Drop Edition.’ With warehouses hidden in safe, undisclosed locations, Amazon drones would air-drop essential supplies right onto your makeshift barricade doorstep. Expect a personalised note attached to your cargo: “Stay safe, and remember to leave a 5-star review!”

Apple – iSurvive

A post-apocalyptic world is the perfect environment for Apple to launch their new iSurvive range. The iSurvive would be a multi-functional device complete with a solar charger, encrypted communication channels, water purification tool, and even a feature to detect nearby resources or threats. Don’t forget the stylish, sleek design, as Apple never compromises on aesthetics. Even in the face of extinction, Apple would keep you connected, safe, and undeniably cool.

Coca-Cola – Radiance: Now Glows in the Dark!

Coca-Cola, the classic soda brand, would launch a brilliant marketing campaign for their newest product line: Radiance. Its tagline? “The only cola that glows in the dark, lighting up your life and your taste buds!” While the glowing feature might make you think twice, it would definitely be handy when rummaging in your survival backpack during those blackout nights.

IKEA – Flat-Pack Fallout Shelters

For the practical survivors, IKEA’s ‘Flat-Pack Fallout Shelters’ would be a godsend. Affordable, easy to assemble (no more difficult than their regular furniture), and delivered in a compact package, these shelters would be the perfect post-apocalyptic hideaway. They’d even throw in a free solar-powered Allen wrench to ensure a smooth setup. To top it off, IKEA’s instructional booklet would now include a survival guide, printed on edible paper, just in case!

Tesla – Post-Apocalyptic Pods (PAPs)

With its tradition of pushing technological boundaries, Tesla would revolutionise survival by introducing Post-Apocalyptic Pods (PAPs). Powered by solar panels, equipped with an air filtration system, and boasting a lifetime supply of sustainably-produced ration packs, PAPs would provide the ultimate safe haven. The cherry on the top? Autopilot. Let the PAP navigate the dangerous, desolate roads while you relax and stream reruns of ‘The Walking Dead’.

Ben & Jerry’s – Apocalypse-themed Ice Cream

Ben & Jerry’s wouldn’t disappoint, whipping up apocalypse-themed flavours that combine comfort food with a healthy dose of gallows humour. Try “Nuclear Neapolitan,” “Fallout Fudge,” or “Caramel Cataclysm.” Despite the grim context, these playful flavours would be a reminder of the good old days and offer a bit of cold comfort in a world turned upside down.

Nike – Just Survive It

Nike’s marketing has always been about overcoming adversity. In this setting, the sportswear giant would launch a line of durable, climate-resistant clothing under the banner “Just Survive It.” While these clothes would be perfect for outrunning zombies, they would still feature the classic Nike swoosh, because style shouldn’t suffer, even at the end of the world.

Whilst we fervently hope the world does not end anytime soon, it’s somewhat comforting (and amusing) to think about how brands might adapt and continue to provide goods and services in the face of an apocalypse. So here’s to our favourite brands, may they continue to innovate and entertain us, come hell or high water!